I'm eating all of the evidence.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
