From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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