Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
