And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
