hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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