I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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