Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
