If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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