Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
