the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
