im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
