why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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