I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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