Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
