It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
