I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
