It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
