I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
