I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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