You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
