I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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