I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
