Having a random hookup so left but love u
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
