You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
