Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the day after is always just damage control
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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