There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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