Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
