Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
