I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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