I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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