carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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