I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
