High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
