Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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