Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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