He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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