she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
