I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize