no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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