Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
