I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need moral support for this bender
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize