More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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