There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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