i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
