So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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