If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize