If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You made out with two different species that night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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