At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
