I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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