**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize