So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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