He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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