Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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