Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am available for nakedness
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
