your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
