I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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