saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
