The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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