I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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