if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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