It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
