he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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