I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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