In the future we'll all be gay
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
