Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just pee around me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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