he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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